“He enjoyed singleness, His solitude gave Him comfort. He would drink His coffee alone and wait for the day to pass, never wishing for a change to disrupt Him or His plans. Then, as if a cruel author had penned a major plot twist, She was there. She became the excuse that vacated His need to be alone, She was chapter one of what had only been the prologue to His life. The first words to this new novel, began with, “Good morning”, a smile and this thought “She is quite lovely”.”—
i think i should have a day where i just sit around and read oscar wilde books. thus begins my plan for the days i will hopefully have off in the near future. also, this week was a complete roller coaster. sheesh.
Today I experienced one of the many wise things my parents taught me about life: when it rains, it pours. I have figured out that goals are important but they are often glorified hopes masked as something more acceptable to society (I’m referencing a great article with that thought - more on that later). I have this vision for my life that I can point my finger at and it resonates deep inside, and I know that with every ounce of me I am growing towards that. I have steps in place to get there, I know what to do, and as soon as I feel myself reaching a new barrier something happens to throw me off. Yesterday my car didn’t start! And my drawing tablet didn’t work! And then I fixed my car (myself might I add) and then my car broke again! Differently! I just…
I just don’t know anymore hah. Hashtag feeling defeated.
Everything happens for a reason, until I learn what that reason might be, I’ll be cycling 6mi to a freelance gig tomorrow.
You need to build an ability to just be yourself and not be doing something. That’s what the phones are taking away, is the ability to just sit there. That’s being a person. Because underneath everything in your life there is that thing, that empty—forever empty. That knowledge that it’s all for nothing and that you’re alone. It’s down there.
And sometimes when things clear away, you’re not watching anything, you’re in your car, and you start going, ‘oh no, here it comes. That I’m alone.’ It starts to visit on you. Just this sadness. Life is tremendously sad, just by being in it…
That’s why we text and drive. I look around, pretty much 100 percent of the people driving are texting. And they’re killing, everybody’s murdering each other with their cars. But people are willing to risk taking a life and ruining their own because they don’t want to be alone for a second because it’s so hard.
And I go, ‘oh, I’m getting sad, gotta get the phone and write “hi” to like 50 people’…then I said, ‘you know what, don’t. Just be sad. Just let the sadness, stand in the way of it, and let it hit you like a truck.’
And I let it come, and I just started to feel ‘oh my God,’and I pulled over and I just cried like a bitch. I cried so much. And it was beautiful. Sadness is poetic. You’re lucky to live sad moments.
And then I had happy feelings. Because when you let yourself feel sad, your body has antibodies, it has happiness that comes rushing in to meet the sadness. So I was grateful to feel sad, and then I met it with true, profound happiness.
one of my life goals: have enough money to purchase every single one of the pieces of artwork at one of my friends’ art shows without them knowing it was me, and donate the artwork to something awesome.
A perfect logo is like the perfect post rock song. There are no lyrics, no definitive beginning and end, no way to explain the perfect emotion for it, and it tells you something different every time you listen to it. If the artist put their heart into it, you feel it. There are obvious things about a logo, and then there are those other things that lie on the outskirts of the obvious.
Also The Black Harbor is one of my favorite collectives.
“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.”—Elizabeth Taylor (via thatkindofwoman)
it’s really tough freelancing at this point in my career. i have to make decisions that i don’t want to (or know how to) make, i don’t get perks. i have to force myself to wake up early and go to bed early even though nobody is telling me to because i pretty much make my own deadlines. i have a weekend job so that i have health insurance, and i have to document every time i get paid so that i hopefully don’t owe a ton in taxes next year. but - i have things to be thankful for. i get to freelance in an office full of creatives i was an intern for (they let me stick around) that i occasionally help out. i live in a good city full of opportunities and good people. here are some things i’ve learned:
surround myself with creative and supportive people
“There are 7 billion people on this planet who I have not met,
and 195 countries I have not visited.
Yet I am stuck in this insignificant town,
Being pressured into making decisions about my future,
When I barely even know who I am”—Unknown (via endangerment)